Going beyond Paul's highest hopes

I love the way my grandpa prays. I was visiting him a couple days ago, and when we sat down to the evening meal we held hands and my grandpa blessed our food. I've heard thousands of meal prayers, and have given a few myself, but there is something incredibly special about my grandpa when he prays. His prayers are never rushed, never thoughtless. And they always start with humility and awe. He usually mentions something like, "Lord we stand before you in complete wonder at your majesty and grace." There is something about his unforced worship in such a simple act as giving thanks for food. Sometimes I struggle with a wandering mind during meal prayers, but the sound of my grandpa humbling himself before an Almighty Creator arrests me so much that I usually have trouble tearing myself out of it to eat when he says "Amen."

It seems unnecessary to say that I want to pray like that. I want to be in a place where my communication with Christ is first of all clothed in brokenness and reverance. I so often fall victim to the great American-Christian attitude of presenting God with a shopping list as my primary conversation with Him. Not that I think there is anything wrong with asking for help or sharing my desires with God, but its immature. Its milk and baby food, and it doesn't satisy me. I want my prayer to be worship.

Today was a day of great celebration at my Sacramento church - they held their first Sunday service in their new building. This little group of believers has given and sacrificed and worked and believed and served for 4 long years and today they were almost giddy with adrenaline and gratitude for finally worshipping in a place that was set apart for them. The pastor gave a really simple message of how to respond to God when you are blessed, nothing that was rocket science. But as always, he based his message in Scripture and God ministered to my need and brokeness from three of those scriptures.

The first was Gal 6:7-9, which encourages believers to "live to please the Spirit" because those who sow a life of discipline in Christ will make an eternal difference. Paul specifically exhorts us "don't get tired of doing what is good! Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time."

The second was a passage in 2 Corinthians. Paul is bragging about the amazing spirit of the Macedonian church that gave generously out of their "wonderful joy and deep poverty," to the extent that they were begging Paul to be of use to his ministry in Jerusalem. What really grabbed me is what he says immediately after - "Best of all, they went beyond our highest hopes, for their first action was to dedicate themselves to the LORD and to us for whatever directions God might give them."

The last (bear with me hear, I promise to link these all together :) is a very familiar passage, Romans 12:1-2, in which Paul instructs us to give our bodies to God that we would be "living sacrifices." When we let God transform our thinking to Kingdom logic rather than Earth logic, we have the tools we need to understand God's purpose and plan for our lives, or as the NLT so eloquently puts it, "you will know what God wants you to do."

I've been struggling this last week with not knowing what God wants me to do. I so desperately want to act in faith, to be a worshipper, to do what is good. And I've been losing the battle because I've been doing nothing. When someone asks me "Have you heard about your visa yet?" My reply has been borderline bitter, which does not glorify God in the slightest. I can't imagine how someone who was not a Christian would see me and what I believe in if they could really hear the thoughts in my head - would they wonder how I could claim with one breath to believe that Christ has written all my days in His book and guides each step I take and then in the next breath complain about not being privileged to details that I want right here, right now!

I realized in church today that I've been "acting" in faith - by continuing to plan for London - but not living in peace. And I'm not altogether convinced that you can act in faith without living in peace, the former is more likely a state of hypocrisy. Granted, its consequences are much better than acting in outright rebellion, but my witness (and overall frame of mind) are still questionable.

But . . . how awesome and gracious is our Lord. He holds the universe in the palm of His hand and yet condescends to KNOW me! He spoke over 2,000 years ago and breathed it out for me today - He encouraged me to continue acting in faith, because in due time I will reap a harvest. He reminded me that I want to be the kind of person that gives out of an overflow of joy, even in my deepest poverty, and that I get that spirit from dedicating myself to God for whatever direction He gives me. He gently prodded me to lay myself down again as a LIVING (as in active) sacrifice that I would allow Him to change my Earth logic (the reason I am panicking about London) into Kingdom logic (the way to live in peace) so that I know what God wants me to do.

Today, God wants me to just worship him. "Father, I stand before you in complete wonder at your majesty and grace . . ."