The Last Goodbye

I had a very crazy week to finish out July.



First, my close friend Samuel came for a visit. Secondly, two of the dearest people to me at Lee Abbey, Alice (my roommate) and Astrid, left. Thirdly, I got nailed with a pretty nasty flu.

I knew the first two would happen, but honestly I hadn't expected to get sick until the let-down after they all left. And the thought of dealing with this weekend made my head spin the week before.

The strange reality is that it was one of the best weekends I've had - and I have a huge treasure trove of memories that I hope to dig into often.

Even though I was sick and coughing and speaking through a scratchy voice most of the time, I had an absolutely amazing time with my friends before they left. I had taken holiday time, so I didn't have to work. I spent all the time I wasn't sleeping with them. Alice cooked three or four dinners - she even made a lasagne dinner only hours before she was supposed to leave and hadn't finished packing yet! I baked oodles of brownies and made an angel food cake for a goodbye worship night/party, and basically watched (rather than really helped) my roommate and Astrid pack up their year at Lee Abbey and fly off into the sunset.

<-- Saying goodbye to Alice at the airport.




I had so much peace about each one of them - Astrid, Alice, and Samuel - and the futures God had for them. However, it still hit me really hard after the last one left. I spent a whole day walking around in a Brittney-shell. Even though I had complete peace about this transition, I had no joy. For the first time since I've been here, I wished I could hop a jet and get home as fast as possible.

At first I felt a bit guilty for feeling that way - I hadn't come to Lee Abbey because of Astrid or Alice or Samuel. I had come for this higher, nobler purpose of being a community member and serving the students who live here. But then I realized that I did come for them, even I didn't know them at the time; I came to give myself wholeheartedly to the people I met here. And I did.

Lee Abbey's chapel ---->








Dr. Watson was the one who inadvertantly rescued me: I knew that in time I'd become my old self again, but it happened much sooner than I expected. Two days after the last goodbye, she gave me the two songs that she wanted to have played for her prayer service on Saturday. She gave them to me because I was her musician on-call for the day (oh, yeah, I've been learning how to play the guitar :) Because I'm still a very baby guitarist, I knew that I'd need a few hours to practice and so I took both my work breaks in the chapel, playing.

It was the second song that broke through my funk. I'll post the lyrics at the bottom of this post; take a look at them, they really don't let you wallow in self-pity or sorrowful reminiscence. I discovered that it is absolutely impossible to sing worship songs over and over again without experiencing God's true, deep joy - I found that I was able to really smile for the first time and since then my spark hasn't disappeared. God is so good, to help us gain the perspective we need!

David wrote Psalm 42 when he felt dry, thirsty, distant from God, oppressed, surrounded, hopeless; no joy to be found. And yet, he responded to God by praising him! This is the secret - and there is nothing like art and music to circumvent the barriers our mind puts up to immediately tap into God's spirit of joy and peace and love; I challenge you to try it the next time you feel like your joy is missing :)

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.